state of the union

UncategorizedOlivia Stewart1 Comment

I have come to realize that I thrive when I have a consistent routine. I like to know what my day, week or month looks like ahead of time and then fill in the days with spontaneous fun when we have time available. I have also come to realize that if I don't have a consistent routine I can only function for a certain amount of time before I become a stressed out anxious mess.  My thoughts become anxious, I am unfocused and overwhelmed even when I have very little going on.  Clean laundry stays folded in the basket for days before getting put away and dirty dishes pile up on the counter because emptying the clean ones out of the dishwasher seems to difficult a task.  I manage to procrastinate the few tasks I have to complete, sleep more, fail to respond to emails and texts and basically suck at life.  Am I the only one that gets this way???  I know it is my anxiety and depression that cause this and thankfully I have been aware of this pattern for awhile yet it still seems to take me a week or two to kick my butt into gear and get out of the slump! A good place to start for me is by talking about it.  I share about these struggles because I hope it helps other people to understand me, themselves or other people dealing with similar things but also because sharing it is therapeutic for me.  It gets the truth out there and helps me to move on.

Depression doesn't necessarily show it's face because life is hard. There is nothing bad or hard happening right now. It shows up for me when I fail to take care of myself. I tend to exhaust myself taking care of others until I crash and have to start over from ground zero. Don't get me wrong, I love helping other people. Loving people is what God made me to do. My struggle has always been taking care of myself. I often struggle to feel like it is ok for me to have needs or wants. It usually takes me being on a verge of a breakdown before I remember to take care of myself!

Ok. I feel better. Time to get my life back on track.  Get back to blogging, creating, eating well, exercising and all that good stuff.

How are you?